Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
