The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Of course I have a pirate flag
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
