the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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