the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
This is the high leading the old right now
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
