You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
