I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I need to align my fucking chakras
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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