mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
