It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The beer is more important than you right now.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
