My balls are so social today.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
