He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
