Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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