I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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