I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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