he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
