i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
