I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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