I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
