i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
