dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
