Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
