Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
