FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
