i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just cropdusted the office
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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