That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
