Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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