i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
