mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
