We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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