I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
