He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
