No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
