There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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