i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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