maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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