it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
