Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
pop tarts are not kleenex
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
