You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
