I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
