White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
