I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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