I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
is wine microwaveable?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
