what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
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