forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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