She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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