life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
