she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
