I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
