where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
