Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
