I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
